Oh, hello.

I thought that I would cook up something amusing and witty for an opening statement or title, but God found it equally amusing to disable those sections of my brain until the afternoon. I don’t specify a time zone for this afore-mentioned period of time in which I find myself both witty and amusing, but I assure you that when I am being one or the other, we can assume that it’s ‘that time of the day’ for me. If, heaven forbid, at some point, I’m boring and generally ’square,’ then I’m going to go ahead and call you fat. This has nothing to do with me.

I’m always in the zone. Always.
In reality, this blog has nothing to do with you, either. I’m simply writing my thoughts here as I sit in my two hour lectures, and will continue to do so in order to keep my mind in a cat-like razor-sharp blade of awareness. I can further remind you that the only cats I know on a personal basis are those that sleep 28 hours of the day (true masters of sloth are capable of stealing hours of rest from their more active acquaintances), so that leaves us absolutely nowhere. It’s 10 in the morning, I slid out of bed at 6:30, I slept three hours prior, and have gotten about 10-15 hours of sleep, in total, this past week. But I’m writing.

This online journal will be my amalgamation of personal writings, musings and ideas that strike me. By example, the word blog is an incredibly ugly word, and one that I wonder how we picked up. I’m sure there’s some fantastic acronym at play here, much like the amusing military ‘Charlie Foxtrot’ (CF; meaning cluster fuck), but just the word in itself screams fat and ugly. We should have gone with something like Ojjing, for Online Journalism-ing, and I’m fairly certain that I’d be a happier, more content individual.

Either way, a bit about myself, just so you all know what you’re getting into here. My name is Christopher Richard Tom; I have three first names for a full name, and I’m a 6′1-6′2 Chinese / Korean beauty. I say beauty because there is no equivalent to the term handsome that can be used in the same context; but do realize that I am handsome.

I read and write in copious amounts, I live in Vancouver, British Columbia (Canada), I’m a 3rd year going on 4th year at Simon Fraser University, doing a double major in English and Communications. I was originally going to do a single English major, but then I looked around my English class and realized that I didn’t want to become a bobble-head of a white girl. I’d apologize for generalizing, but I’m not.

“Um, I totally want to be a High School English teacher, and, like, taking Children’s Literature will totally help me understand the mind of a child.”

If there is a Jesus that isn’t me, then I’m vaguely certain that he wouldn’t have died for this. If I was Jesus, I would have been awesome and would have left behind specific instructions as to who it was I was dying for.

Either way, since the English faculty is 10-15% guys, 85-90% girls and 1% Asian, you can see that I’m in a relative minority. Not only this, but considering that about 75% of the 85-90% girl population is the bobble-head white girl breed who discusses how empowering her women studies class is, you can see how quickly I decided to pick up a more ’serious’ degree. Communications may not be as money-grubbing as, say, business or sciences, but I’m pretty much the anti-Asian. This effectively makes me useless to every Asian parent’s expectations. I’m damned good looking, but I’m relatively certain that ‘looks,’ or ‘personality’ is not at the top of any serious Asian parent’s list. Those are the tiny sprigs of parsley garnish that nobody cares about when they want to get to their steak. Steak, in this case, is the metaphorical representation of how much money they’ll add to their respective other’s family. Or something.

Either way, the gist of all of this is that bobble-headed white girls who totally want to be Elementary School Teachers are fat and ugly. That, and I’m tired. Maybe I’ll nap in class.

Yes, that’s a good idea.